Goethe said that. He was nothing if not a truth-talker. All reflection, and we go mad; all plunging and no reflection, we are mere brutes.
Lately, I've been seeing myself as more in the latter category. In a recent rare moment of reflection, I realized that I have lived in four cities in the past six years and I haven't been able to commit to a job for an all-too extended period. I've become somewhat of a gypsy, a rootless rolling stone. A brute chasing after experience without slowing for a moment to figure out what exactly it is I'm doing.
And I was cool with that until I found myself in need of a steady paycheck. There's nothing like a job interview to get me to consider how unstable and flighty I must seem to most, if not all, employers. I'd never been asked point-blank why I can't seem to connect to places, jobs, people, until today. I dodged the bullet by saying something about how I wanted to soak up experiences during my early twenties and now I'm ready to settle down. I felt uncomfortable as I heard the words coming out of my mouth. Not that I feel I was being disingenuous, because I really do think it's about time to consider the possibility of staying somewhere for a fucking second. I felt a little sad because I realized now is the time when I have to embark on the (probably painful) process of reflection, of letting things sink in, and of understanding what all these experiences could mean.
Lately, I've been seeing myself as more in the latter category. In a recent rare moment of reflection, I realized that I have lived in four cities in the past six years and I haven't been able to commit to a job for an all-too extended period. I've become somewhat of a gypsy, a rootless rolling stone. A brute chasing after experience without slowing for a moment to figure out what exactly it is I'm doing.
And I was cool with that until I found myself in need of a steady paycheck. There's nothing like a job interview to get me to consider how unstable and flighty I must seem to most, if not all, employers. I'd never been asked point-blank why I can't seem to connect to places, jobs, people, until today. I dodged the bullet by saying something about how I wanted to soak up experiences during my early twenties and now I'm ready to settle down. I felt uncomfortable as I heard the words coming out of my mouth. Not that I feel I was being disingenuous, because I really do think it's about time to consider the possibility of staying somewhere for a fucking second. I felt a little sad because I realized now is the time when I have to embark on the (probably painful) process of reflection, of letting things sink in, and of understanding what all these experiences could mean.
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